I open
my writing program and manage to spit a few words out. But then I start
thinking: Oh, no. I have two psychology packets due Thursday. I have a biology
test on Friday. I have a composition paper to edit by Wednesday. I have a
speech Monday. I have to work tomorrow and I’m going to get started writing
tonight and want to write tomorrow but won’t be able to because it’ll be busy.
I
cannot find the time. When I do, the stress overwhelms me and I short-circuit,
finding my way to YouTube and laughing at videos for the next few hours. I’m
shocked I’m even forcing myself to write this.
Thing
is, when I go a long time without writing, I start to experience withdrawal. When
I write, I feel like I’m dreaming while I’m awake. A movie is playing out in my
head for what I’m writing. It’s the greatest feeling I know. I begin to
daydream simply about the feeling rather than the writing itself. I found
myself doing it during my drive to school this morning.
I
want to feel it again, but I can’t. It’s terrible. I don’t have the time. I miss
my heart pounding as I write out an argument or a fight scene, the smile as I
write a happy scene or a humorous scene.
It’s
been a year since I truly felt like
that. God, I miss it. Maybe for Thanksgiving break and Christmas break I can
feel it again. It’s depressing me, truly. I love my classes, I love making money
at work and being productive in those aspects. But making no writing progress
is depressing. I would write in the little bitty frames of time I have, but
that’s not really fair to the characters since the writing is shotty.
Anyway,
I just wanted to spit out my depression regarding the writing, since I haven’t
posted here since August. I want to get back to blogging sometime too. I meant
to participate in NaNo, but I barely got 2,000 words. Man.
Lol.
Enough! Okay. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving, and if I don’t post
again by then, have a Merry Christmas! I’ll surely post by the New Year. Until
next time! Hopefully I have some words by then!
