Thursday, November 21, 2013

Withdrawal from the Writer's High

It’s become a vicious cycle.

I open my writing program and manage to spit a few words out. But then I start thinking: Oh, no. I have two psychology packets due Thursday. I have a biology test on Friday. I have a composition paper to edit by Wednesday. I have a speech Monday. I have to work tomorrow and I’m going to get started writing tonight and want to write tomorrow but won’t be able to because it’ll be busy.

I cannot find the time. When I do, the stress overwhelms me and I short-circuit, finding my way to YouTube and laughing at videos for the next few hours. I’m shocked I’m even forcing myself to write this.

Thing is, when I go a long time without writing, I start to experience withdrawal. When I write, I feel like I’m dreaming while I’m awake. A movie is playing out in my head for what I’m writing. It’s the greatest feeling I know. I begin to daydream simply about the feeling rather than the writing itself. I found myself doing it during my drive to school this morning.

I want to feel it again, but I can’t. It’s terrible. I don’t have the time. I miss my heart pounding as I write out an argument or a fight scene, the smile as I write a happy scene or a humorous scene.

It’s been a year since I truly felt like that. God, I miss it. Maybe for Thanksgiving break and Christmas break I can feel it again. It’s depressing me, truly. I love my classes, I love making money at work and being productive in those aspects. But making no writing progress is depressing. I would write in the little bitty frames of time I have, but that’s not really fair to the characters since the writing is shotty.

Anyway, I just wanted to spit out my depression regarding the writing, since I haven’t posted here since August. I want to get back to blogging sometime too. I meant to participate in NaNo, but I barely got 2,000 words. Man.

Lol. Enough! Okay. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving, and if I don’t post again by then, have a Merry Christmas! I’ll surely post by the New Year. Until next time! Hopefully I have some words by then!